Cheesy!

I have now come to an all time pregnancy moment.... I cannot get enough of the dairylea triangles! I would buy the spread but I would only sit and eat it out of a tub in one sitting...although the triangles don't really

make it passed two sittings. :-O  I don't normally like "crap" food but all of a sudden I am craving these fatty, glutenous slimy triangles! I went through a box of 16 in two days and am making my way quite nicely through another one today ;) I'm not too worried as the baby obviously needs something in it and I've been told I don't want to get underweight again this time through so I will happily sit here slurping my cheese! But you know when you read about pregnant cravings in books and you think "gosh that's really greedy I would never do that"    lol it's true! I am loving the cheese this week :) xx

What a difference!

When I was pregnant with Maggie I had everything ready and prepared for her by 24 weeks. I had everything I needed bought and then people gave us the things we didn't have. We were set and ready to go. Clothes were washed and hung in the wardrobe, nappies were bought and wipes were stacked neatly on the sideboard by the changing mat. THIS TIME around???? I have nothing prepared lol I have things we need but it is all in a cupboard in Maggie's room and I've not made a list of things to do yet. I have my bag for hospital packed but only because I live in mortal fear of having to wear the same clothes for 3 days straight again. I just don't feel the urgency that I did with Maggie or the excitement. I guess my motto is as long as we have a pack of nappies and something for the baby to sleep in when she comes home then we are ok? It's just such a difference. I don't even have the bottles or the buggy yet! I mean I do have some clothes for her but not alot of tiny clothes or newborn clothes, and I definately don't have a name picked out yet. The child may go round being known as Baby Slater for the first year of her life ;) lol hmmmm I am so disorganized this time around...will I ever get ready?

Someone so little:

This is me being a fluffy mummy in a fluffy moment....I was just looking at some photos of Maggie and I just got all mushy (blame the pregnant hormones lol) and I was just overwhelmed!  Someone who started out so little and so fragile...she is so sweet and so perfect. She is just the epitome of cute. Her cheeky grins, her chubby (yes chubby!) little arms and legs, her round little bottom that wriggles when she walks, her tiny toes and her long legs..she's come so far and done so much! My baby, my angel! I love you!  xxxxxx Mummy

Tumble tot :)

. All of the scans show that she is a she BUT I am feeling so pregnant and so different from the first time! This week I have had constant heartburn, constand tummy stretching and a constant foot in my ribcage. I am sure that if it's not a boy then She is going to have some might powerful legs and arms. She doesn't move as much as Maggie did but when she does....lawd ahmitey!!! it's like look out there's a tornado about! Apart from the stretching I am feeling ok. By ok I mean insomnia and constipation and constant grumpiness... lately all it takes is someone giving me a not so sunny smile in a que and it sets me off on a rampage...I tend to find the worst place to go shopping is Market. I love market normally and try to get as much as possible from there but these days I am so irritable that the poor stall traders don't have a chance. I am so grateful that my bump is growing as much as it is, I mean with Maggie nobody could really tell I was pregnant with her untill just before I went into labour I was so tiny. This time around I am a little nervous that I am going to be in trouble when it comes to labour...I keep joking about the epidural but I think it may just come to that. The gas and air barely covered it with Mags so I am assuming that the epidural is going to be my hero in about 13 weeks :) I am immune to most pain issues which is why this pregnancy confuses me so much and I suppose shows to most how painful pregnancy really is. It's not like in the books and movies where you float through 9 months blissfully rubbing that stomache that magicly gets bigger and bigger without you realizing...I am aware of every single bloody stretch and tear in my muscles. It takes alot for me to say ouch and even more for me to swear in pain but lately I have done both and quite frequently. One of the worst things is the not sleeping. Last night I got 3 hours sleep and it wasn't all at once it was like a half hour here and there...I can definatey say that I am not graceful, beautiful or glowing this time....I am fat, grumpy and hot for most of it...I don't feel attractive and am quite prone to snapping your head and your nether parts off if  you so much as mention "hormones" to me ;) but alas there is a miracle of life growing inside of me and I will carry her for as long as I can with the knowledge that I did my best and if it's not good enough then at least  I tried right?

It's a funny thing...

to be told to sit and rest when you don't feel like you are ill in the first place. I suppose there is a difference between resting because you are ill and resting to prevent yourself from getting ill in the first place. Today I am contemplative and in the mood to be inspired. On days like today I like to find something that makes me smile and think. SO I googled Dr. Seuss quotes and came up with some really good ones! I grew up with the good ol' doctor S and am firmly in love with him and his ideas of imagination and childhood. My most favourite stories included The Grinch, Green Eggs and Ham and Rings on Fingers Rings on Thumbs....and so many other amazing stories. The thing I loved about Dr. Seuss is that each story had a deeper meaning, yes they were fun rhyming books but they also inspired you to look at the bigger picture and think about the world around you. He challenged you to use your imagination to it's fullest extent and when you finished reading you half expected to walk outside your door in the winter and be greeted by a Who   or on holiday in a hot place to find an ellephant named Horton :) so I thought I would include just a few of those wonderful quotes I found today and share them with you! They made me smile and laugh and sit and think about my imagination and how I want Maggie to have just as big an imagination as I have if not a greater one (although that I am sure is a very hard task lol)

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."


"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."





"A person's a person, no matter how small."



(Horton Hears a Who!)


"The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go."



 (I Can Read with My Eyes Shut)


"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"







"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."







"You're off to Great Places!



Today is your day!


Your mountain is waiting,


So... get on your way!"


 (Oh, the Places You'll Go!)


"In my world, everyone's a pony and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies!"







"So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains."



 (Oh, the Places You'll Go!)


"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,



stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."


 (How the Grinch Stole Christmas!)


"I know it is wet and the sun is not sunny, but we can have lots of good fun that is funny."



 (The Cat in the Hat)


"So...



be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray


or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,


you're off to Great Places!


Today is your day!


Your mountain is waiting.


So...get on your way!"


 (Oh, the Places You'll Go!)

we are ok...for now ;)

So we went in today and at first she did the scan and it did look like my cervix was shrinking and we started discussing what could be done and then she said I had a bit of a full bladder and could I go empty it? So I went and emptied my bladder and then she remeasured and I had gone back up to my first measurement. Aparantly they had measured me with my bladder slightly full the last time and hadn't bothered to ask me to empty it. BUT I have been signed off for 3 weeks  to rest and get through this scary period. Am relieved but stressed about finances and needing to rely on God as He is my provider! I will be on sick pay and not full time pay...but GOD IS GOOD AND WILL PROVIDE!!

keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times and do not desend untill ride has come to a complete stop....

well stop already! and Sod the bit about keeping my arms and legs in! I am in one of those arms flailing legs kicking moods. Warning this is a pity party so if you don't want to read it don't....I woke up this morning after spending the week resting and the weekend NOT resting and felt physically sick. My apt is at lunch time and I am scared. I can't seem to just let God have my fears and my worries. What am I going to do if I get there and they say "well actually Mrs. S, we do think you need this proceedure and we do think it should be done this week"  what will I do with Maggie? What will Steve do? How will I cope? I am terrified. I can see the future looking bright and sunny I can see our happy little family going places and doing things. I can see myself pushing my cute P&T Sport around being the yummy mummy that I so desperately wish I was...but I just need to get through the next 15 weeks. 15 weeks is a long time and to be honest the last 24 weeks have been a long time. I am over half way and I know that most women don't even blink at this point it's like "right here we go I am in the home stretch" well for me it feels like this is the longest part, the most intense part. I am desperate for someone to come up and say to me " Mara I would like to fast one day a week untill you have that baby at 40 weeks"   I want someone to be called to say "I will stand in the gap and hold you up as you make this journey"    I never knew how lonely being pregnant with a high risk pregnancy could be...people don't ask questions because they don't know what to say and don't want to offend, people annoy me by limiting how I do things because they mean well but leave me feeling helpless, and my midwife well I am not even going to go there she is the most useless unhelpful unemotive piece of human flesh I have ever encountered...not once has she asked how I am doing it is her bloody job to do the normal pregnancy things...she just assumes that the consultant will deal with everything....well yes the consultant is making sure that the baby doesnt fall out early but it's not her job to check and make sure that I am feeling ok and that I don't have any worries about the birth. Actually to be honest I am not worried about the birth. After having Maggie with no clue whatsoever as to how things are done with no pain relief apart from Gas and Air which they didn't tell me untill the end I could use as much as I wanted....I am not scared about that. The body takes over and you just go along for the ride......but it's just the next 15 weeks I am scared of. But I am not feeling ok emotionally....emotionally I am angry, I am scared, I am nervous, I am stressed....I can't sleep at night because I am worried that if I sleep a certain way it will tear my placenta or shorten my cervix...I eat constantly and take my vitamins not because I want to but because I am determined that SHOULD anything happen the baby will have a bit of a chance....Pregnancy should not be this complicated...what have I done in my life that makes it so stressful..nothing is simple these days.

warning pregnant woman hormones :)

So yesterday I was a bit humbled/embarrassed/put in my place? I am not the nicest person when I am pregnant and I am also not the nicest person when I am stressed so you throw the two together and this week I have been the bitch from hell (sorry mom) but it's true and the worst part is I take it out on ppl closest to me. I take it out on them because I think deep down I know they won't disown me and because they are family or like family they will love me despite of  this. But yesterday I got told off for it and I really respect her for doing it. I had been going through the week in a terror...I wasn't intentionally doing it but sometimes I just do this and it gets out of hand..I become evil. Snapping, being rude, grumpy, ill mannered....yes folks even the princess of etiquete has her bad weeks. To be fair on my part I did get some terrifying news from the hospital and have been really upset about it. BUT as my parents have said from birth "there is no excuse for a bad attitude"   and Elleanor Rosevelt (sp) once said "it is us and only us who gives ourselves permission to be miserable, the rest is up to nature" And of course when someone corrects me I am a such a proud cow that I always get sarcastic and put my back up but after thinking about it for a minute she was  right I had been rude...horribly rude and I hadn't set a good example at all.  So to my best friend I love you and I am so sorry for hurting you this week, it wasn't intentionally aimed at you and I pray you forgive me. You know how scared I am and I know it's no excuse but I am sorry and will try harder. xx  Pregnancy is not easy, even calm normal pregnacies....this one has been hard from conception. I have been ill longer than most women, I have been scared every moment, I have been in and out of hospital, and I have been given restrictions on things that are like breathing to me ie. lifting children, doing the vacuming, reaching up to get things off shelves, lifting groceries, and normal day to day things...I am banned from doing them. I know God has a plan and a purpose for everything and I know that I am indeed a child of the greatest physician and healer and protector. I know this....but I am still human and I still have my wobbly weeks....and this is one of them.  On a more positive note tonight is our house warming/birthday party extravaganza and I am praying for perfect bbq weather! I need to get off here and get dressed so I can pop to market and get the fresh veggies I need....Steve is in charge of the man food (meat) I am in charge of the woman food (salads and desserts lol) so I need to go and get some stuff to go in my salads as my tomatos are there (MILLIONS OF THEM!) but just very green still....won't they taste good though!!!! Take care and God bless you whatever you do this weekend!

In Him,
Mara

I claim this!

I was looking at my calendar today and set a memo for certain days such as 24,34 and 38 weeks...I am claiming these dates in faith! I know that God knows what is going to happen in the end but I am claiming them. Physically, emotionally and spiritually...as each one passes I am going to celebrate and then look forward to my next date. I am 22 weeks today so that means I can celebrate one of those dates in two weeks....pray with me and claim these dates with me. I'm not asking I am pleading. Pray for me as  we make this journey. I am desperate to hold my daughter when she is born, for my husband to cut the cord and to hear the words...."would you like to hold your baby?" those words were stollen from me when I had maggie and I am claiming them in faith this time around. I WILL HOLD MY BABY!!!!!! God is holding this baby in place and He is not going to let go untill He see's fit.

A grown up...

what does this mean? What is a grown up? Is a grown up someone who pays their bills, goes to work, eats properly, has a home they share with someone or people they love, perhaps has children....what makes a grown up grown? At what point do we say "I am no longer young, I am now a grown up" ? I was sat in the dentist today dreading absolutely dreading it and I all of a sudden wanted my mum! lol Now I am what I would consider in between a grownup and a young adult. I don't consider myself to be old but I am not young. However I rarely want my mum...I am a fully responsible, fully capable and functioning person who thinks, breathes and does my own thing...I look after my family and I pay my bills on time I work hard and I enjoy my time. But in that fleeting moment I wanted my mum. And for that moment I didn't feel like a grown up at all, I felt like a child all alone in the big bad world. Is it odd for me to feel this way or is it normal? At what point do we stop feeling the need for our parents support and step out into the world on our own. For as independent as I am, I know that I can always pick up the phone and my mum will be here. I know if I ever get lost or stuck somewhere I can call collect (yes she will probably complain for the rest of my life) but I can call home and call my mom and dad and they will sort out a way for me to get home safely. At what point do I stop that? I would do the same for Maggie and would go through hell barefoot to get her home safely from somewhere but it just got me thinking and wondering if knowing your parents are there and if not relying on them, but relying on the assurance of them being there...if that made me less of a grown up? I think that God is a bit like a parent in some ways isn't He. He is there and although I don't rely on him physically daily, I know He is there if I should happen to get lost and need help. I talk to Him daily about things and I try my best to be a good daughter to Him. I know I fail miserably most of the time but the point is that I am trying, and that is all He requires. My relationship with Him could be much better but I think that in time I will gain that relationship...I'm a good daughter and am loyal. I don't stray...anyways..I think this is all down to my anisethetic they used on my tooth today I probably make no sense whatsoever...but it is my thought for the day. xxx

Home grown :)

I have always wanted the space to "make" things. Be it cards, crafts, cooking, babies, families lol just space! I have found that space in our new home. I am in such a big home grown stage at the moment. I am making Steve's birthday present and making a bunch of cakes/cupcakes/pavlova type things this weekend. I also plan on getting caught up with some scrap booking this week as well. I am constantly in my garden checking on my lavender and flowers to see what I can press to go in my scrap book and constantly wishing I had a sewing machine so I can make some cushions rather than buying ones that look home made lol I think something about the way the economy is going bust and ppl are starting to realize that we can't go on living by just spend spend spending is getting to me and I am finding it a joy to be able to look at what we have and be blessed by it and to make it work to it's fullest potential. I'm not saying we need to do this but I think that the Bible teaches us not to waste, and to make the most of what we have. So I am planning on doing that. I don't use a dryer at the moment (mainly because I am waiting for the sale so I can get to eco friendly one) but everything goes on the line and smells blissful when it comes inside, I reuse my dishwater to water my tomatoes and the soap keeps the flies off, I donate regularly to charity shops and am not to proud to get the odd tshirt or dress for Maggie and I from there. I got the most gorgeous beige maternity top from there with the tags still on it for 1.25 you can't beat that! When I eventually get my sewing machine I am going to turn all my old sweaters into cushion covers...I saw it on etsy or martha and fell in love with the idea! Our walls are all white so in the evenings as it is still so light out I light candles and  turn the lights out.  We shop at our local fruit and veg shop and I try to go to market to get our meat as much as time will allow. I am not an eco warrior but I do believe in cherishing what we have and doing what I can to make it last. I want Maggie to grow up with a sense of apreciation for life and things in her life. I want her to know that "things" are special and to be apreciated. I don't know what I am trying to say and I am mostly just rambling but I am really trying and really enjoying this whole new phase of my life. It's not so much for the goverment and the good of the planet...it's for the good of my family and it gives me so much satisfaction knowing that I am doing something positive to help enrich their lives and the creativity enriches my life at the same time.  Blessings to you and yours!
xox
Mara and Spudlee

oh ps
we found out we are having a girl! So we are thinking either Aimee Alice Slater   OR   Emilee (not sure about a middle name) Slater  :) Another princess to spoil rotten!