green pumpkins?

Ok pumpkins here's the deal. I don't want to decorate you, I don't want to make you pretty because you are beautiful in your own right...I want to eat you. I want to chop you up, cook you up and eat you in pie and bread and cookies and soup....I can't do this if you are GREEN so hurry hurry little pumpkins hurry and turn so I can eat you!!! And goodness knows if there are any squash out there it is just a mass of vines and orange flowers. :O need to go and sort it out sooner or later. Maybe a job for Grammie Gaga and Magda in 2 weeks :) lol I can sit back and direct. But I would really like to get some pumpkin bread in the freezer before autumn is over!!!!

I choose

to be positive

I choose to live my life today with a smile on my face

I choose to not let the fatigue get me down and wear me into the ground

I choose to be ecstatic that I am 33+1 today and that I have come so far!

I choose not to be sad over news I found out last night inolving to very close friends of mine...

I choose to stand up today and say "you know what life can be really shitty but heck if I am going to let it ta me laying down!" 

I am sitting here peering over my bump marveling at the fact that I am nearly at the end of my pregnancy. I honestly didn't know if I would make it this far. I really and truely have been taking it one day at a time. I went back in to the hospital on Monday and I have shrunk but I hadn't been for 4 weeks and I had only shrunk to 4. Ok, so to most women pregnant at 33 weeks having a cervical canal measuring 4mm would be terrifying but I am not concerned. It's odd the sense of calm that I have felt this entire pregnancy...with Maggie I was stressed the whole time and so upset about if I had eaten the right things or drunk too much 7-up, or slept on the wrong side. This time around? I have literally just let go and let God. And when I do that it's an amazing experience one I would recomend to eveyone.  Allowing Him to take over and take my concerns, my worry and my stress is like saying "ok so my life is chaos but here you can deal wth it" and the funny thing is? He does deal with it.  I found out the baby is a really healthy weight already weighing in at 4lb12oz so almost twice what Maggie was when she was born....this ups my chances of holding her at birth and ups my chances to breast feed as I will be able to have more skin to skin with her. I am now looking forward to my mom getting here in 2 weeks :) yay!  I am desperate to stay pregnant for 3 more weeks at least just so she can have the full "pregnant mara" effect lol because everyone should get to experience me pregnant at some point...lol ;) ok well it is naptime and I am shattered so....love to all of you! xx M

Haven't posted for a little while :)

But we are all ok. In fact we are more then ok. We are all living and surviving. Maggie and I had our birthday last week and it was a bit crazy and it wouldn't have been a normal day in the Slater house if we didn't have to go to the drs at least once ;) lol Maggie was diagnosed with hand,foot and mouth virus and I was diagnosed with a viral infection of some sort...but like good girls we took it on the chin and fought the good fight. We are both recovered and feeling much better. Maggie much better then me. These days a sneezing fit leaves me in a bother and usually running for the potty :) But God is good I am now 32 weeks pregnant and am doing well. By well I mean normal pregnant things are happening that should be happening...This has been a week of losing things lol I am losing my balance, my hair, my temper, my sense of calm, my bladder control (although that went a while back) and my ability to see the funnier side of things. A woman that we vaguely know through a friend of a friend very nearly lost her hand as she tried to pat my stomach the other day...not a safe idea when Steve is banned from touching me let alone some crazy stranger. I find myself shouting at my socks because I can't reach my toes and I find myself peeing all over my hand in the doctors office because I can't seem to find or see the microscopic sample pot they have kindly provided for me. "yes mrs midwife I realize there isn't alot in the jar, no I'm not dehydrated it's just all over my bloody hand instead!" and yes I did wash and sterilize my hands after I was finished. I was thinking on tuesday when I turned 32 weeks that amazingly I am still pregnant. At 21 weeks they told me that I had to prepare myself because I might not make it to 24 weeks at 23 weeks they told me I needed a steroid shot because the baby could come anytime...and 27 weeks they told me that I should be aware that alot of prem babies come around the time of the first prem baby....ladies and gentlemen GOD has kept me pregnant so far! I am still pregnant. At this very moment my baby is tucked away nicely inside having a nap (why you ask? because she thinks night time is day time and does somersaults at 3-5am) and she is big she is so much bigger then maggie was. I can tell already and can't wait til they have a scan to find out exactly how much but I am thinking about 4 pounds now. Steve is really struggling with the calm  thing, for him it's all memories and knowing what happened the first time. He doesn't have this network of friends to lean on and he didn't grow up in a place that taught him to give things to God. I try my hardest to calm his fears but I think he just needs me to get to a good number of weeks and then he can be more at peace. I didn't think about it before from his perspective but when I had maggie he was powerless to help or save either of us, he had to sit there and watch us both struggle for life. I think it was hard enough for me to watch maggie struggle that to watch the two people you love most in life struggle to survive would be impossibly scary and then to think it might happen all over again must be terrifying. So honey I love you and we are going to be ok. We are going to come out of this triumphant and we are going to be able to say "Look what the Lord has done!" Because when I am with Steve I feel safe and I feel like everything will be ok I forget that he is only a person at the end of the day with the same feelings and emotions as everyone else. So if you get a chance send a prayer out for him as he is really struggling. I know this is all a bit of a ramble but that is what I do best :) It's a gorgeous autumn morning this morning and taking Mags to nursery I was reminded again of God's ever steady glory and beauty! The sun was out the sky was blue it was crispy  outside and the leaves were a golden colour. I love moments like this. Be blessed today in the knowledge that He is in control and He made you for a purpose! To live and to live beautifully! xxxxx M

If I could

if I could give you that one thing you ask for, I would. If I could make things work for you I would. If I could take away your sadness and pain and replace it with happiness and wholeness I would. But I am only human and can only be your friend who prays for you and is there when you are ready to talk. I'm sorry you are experiencing the things that you are going through and it makes me sad to think I can't help. You are an amazing person and your life shines into those around you in such a way you may never know. I love ya. xx

I was sat with some really good friends who are more like family today and was sat next to someone who is struggling to get pregnant and through a series of crappy circumstances just isn't working for her or it works and then it's stollen from her. I sat there looking at my huge belly and realized how hard it must be for her to go through the daily grind of things and to see mothers coming into nursery dropping off their children and coming in with their big bumps. I know about the wanting, the yearning and the ache that comes with not being able to concieve, but I know nothing about having that joy taken away completely. When Maggie was born early it was like a miscarriage and in fact her notes call it a miscarriage but she wasn't stollen completely she was just taken away from me and left to grow in a hospital. I cannot imagine the pain and the horror of having the immense joy taken away permanently and then getting up and moving on with your life only to have it happen over and over again. My heart breaks for you and if I could fix it I would. I don't know why life is treating you this way...and I am sorry for it.

My baby...

is no longer a baby..she is now a toddler. She is spending her first full day in the toddler room today and is just not in a baby phase anymore! I am so proud of you Maggie May, you have come so far and overcome so much! Every step you have taken I have held my breath and waited for you to look back and need me but you haven't you have been strong and looked straight ahead on this road called life. I know that you will still have times where nothing fixes anything better then me your mum but I am proud of today and this moment because two years ago we didn't think we would get to this point. I love you so much baby bean and you will forever and ever be my baby despite growing up and being such a clever strong girl.    I had to go to the store and get some cake to cheer myself up as I was feeling so emotional lol and I have put a pretty good dent in it. There is something comforting about bakewell tarts! I am loving the fondant... :) anywys...Maggie I love you and I'm proud of you, to the rest of the world, be proud of her too! And to anyone else who has ever had their baby turn around and say "buhbye mummy love you, good day"  and had your heart break into a million pieces I am sending you my hugs because that one moment summed up everything for me. Gone is the baby and here is the big girl.