unanswered stress!

I am not sure where to go with this...I am so frustrated at the moment! I am working part time and trying to be a full time mommy and wife. That is the obvious..I am trying daily to be a good person to better myself spirtually and to further my walk with God. I am so exhausted and so ready for a break! Having said that we got our nursery invoice today and it basicly reiterated the fact that I am working to put my children into nursery and that depressed me. HOWEVER while working I make just enough to pay the other bills in my life so it is just a never ending cycle. Work to live but there is no extra to enjoy my family in our downtime. We aren't going to the states because it's so expensive and we aren't going anywhere else because we are being responsible and paying bills instead. It's crappy. I am tithing I am being a good responsible adult and yet I still can't win. OK I GET IT I AM BLESSED ok? I get it I have a roof over my head, a job, food in my cupboard and so much to be thankful for I have a family I love and friends all over the world who love me. BUT I want a break a holiday a rest a respite. I want to feel the sand between my toes and taste the salty air. I want to feel my hair whipping in the wind. I am frustrated...grr it's like the harder I try (with God's help before anyone says "mara you are trying to do it on your own that's your problem!") and still just don't get to enjoy things. :( Boo!!!

LOW

laying down, flat out, giving it all up, can't do it on my own, can't find the energy to try, can pretend to be happy, can pretend it's all good and ok but at the end of the day the only one I am fooling is me. SO Here I am the human form of me...I am a failure, a weakling, I am moody and not a great wife or mother or parent...I have a very low opinion of myself and if I get very honest about it....I suck basicly. I am tired..so tired..beyond exhaustion what comes when you reach that point of the end? Where do you go if you step off the ledge? What happens when it all gets too much and you can't take it any more? Will they ever understand and further more does it matter if they do since most of they are the reason for this crap? Every part of this body aches and cries out for peace. I passed a sign today that said "in Him you will find your peace" I know this is true but so far I am not finding any peace...I can only fight for so long. I am getting to the done point.