New Season of Change!

So I haven't blogged for so so so long, in fact I can't remember the last time I blogged. BUT Big news! I am no longer a nursery nurse or a childcare practitioner or an early years professional or whatever the junk I was supposed to refer to myself. Glorified babysitter? Nownow Mara.... :) ok so on to now....after almost 9 years I decided that it was time for a new season. Since I had Aimee I have been desperate to be a Stay at Home Mom. The one that my children run to when they are hurt or ill, the one that witnesses the firsts. I know the bittersweet joy of finding out that somebody else saw my babies first steps or crawls, or they weaned them onto food or potty trained them for me. So I thought...no this was my second chance my gift to be the mom that I have been desperate to be. Steve miracusously got me a job at Tesco in the evenings working in and around the bakery which works because we all know that I am sort of not that interested in bread lol now cakes on the other hand we have learned that they are my kryptonite :) anyways. So yes I handed in my notice, worked two weeks and started my new job! I am loving it. I am in need of a routine though because rather than yummy mummy I am begining to feel like lazy mummy but it's so wonderful to not have to worry about every scrape or bump on the girls (because let's face it they are their momma's girls lol) to the nursery and write out those forms as if I am a bad mother and on some sort of short list registar. WHAT'S MORE DEMEANING THEN MAKING AN ALREADY SELF CONCSIOUS MOTHER FEEL EVEN MORE AWARE OF THE FACT SHE LET THE BALL SLIP FOR 30 SECONDS? I'm not advocating being a bad mother or even letting the ball slip....no not at all BUT I am saying that it's wonderful to know that if my girls don't have a bath tonight and wake up on the scruffier side of gorgeous tomorrow I don't have to worry about being reported to social services. They can be scruffs with mommy! I am really blessed because in my new job I have the joy of working with a great couple of guys, they are supportive, really really patient and really encouraging. I apreciate that so much because we know that I don't learn very quickly and do need to be taken step by step.....I am trying to get into a routine that allows everyone to benefit from me being at home as in a yummy mummy and a hottie wife as well as an effective colleague and most importantly remember that God is in control of the big and small details. I am in such a transition place, it's crazy! All of a sudden I have this oportunity to do what I have been wanting for so long and now I am sort of in a whirlwind. BUT let me see I am happy, I am soooo free! I have energy, and am smiling at almost everyone these days! Steve and I are doing alot better we are enjoying each others company (all you marrieds out there know what I mean lol) and we are finding better ways of communicating. Sooooo what is the plan for this week of mommyhood? Potty Training! I am going to start potty training the baby....who is 2 at the end of September. Where did the time go?!

updates

So it's been a while since I have posted anything and I suppose it's because I have been too busy, can't get my thoughts in order, not feeling up to scratch etc etc etc...but I would like to report that I am on the mend so to speak. I am going to share something that I feel is really important and really pressing on my heart lately. I am learning how to accept myself, in all my entirety, this is hard for me because there are parts of my life that I don't like, parts that are best kept not in view. There are parts of me that are embarassing and downright rude. I am by far the most indecisive person I know, I am a bad time manager, I am not the best at saving money and most days I am not even that great of a wife or mother. However there are parts of me that are amazing....I have been trying to find these parts of me.  I have been spending alot of time with my gorgeous neighbour and her lovely kids...we sit down and listen to worship music, watch telly, drink copious ammounts of tea and work through our issues. We are the same age so it's nice to have someone that is able to communicate on that level with. We are also huge lovers of art, and flowers, and birds oh and of course Cath Kidston :) woopwoopwoop! :) :) but we seem to have a kindred connection where we "get" each other. I am blessed to have her in my life! Steve is working really hard at the moment and also spending more time with the girls. Today he took Aimee to church with him so that Maggie and I could stay home and get better as we were both under the weather. This was so good of him! I totally apreciated it. I don't think there is alot to update just that I am growing, I am getting stronger and I am finding out who I am...slowly. Bear with me as I am very fragile at the moment and may not always be the most friendly...it's not you or anything you have done it's just me and what I am going through. xx M