28 weeks

Yesterday we had another prem prevention clinic. I have resigned myself to the fact that there is not alot that they can do and have done their best to help me. I am grateful that God has placed them in my life and that He blessed me with their wisdom and foresight. My cervix is still shrinking and the baby is still growing well. These things combined make it appear that things could turn out like last time. I am not someone who likes to have no control in things yet strangely I know that for this moment in time there is nothing to control. God is the one in control, He knows when this baby should come and He knows what is best for my body. I am doing everything I physically can to help things along and am puting my trust in Him. There is that Bible verse that is about faith that can move mountains? I don't need faith to move mountains I need the faith that can hold this baby in place and strenghten my cervix. My dad is someone who I love and adore, he is funny and sweet and also very wise. I spoke to him last night and after telling him about my doctors apointment he said "well Mare, we know one thing.....at some point in the next 3 months you are going to have a baby!"  I know it sounds silly and simple but it's not really....we know that now there is nothing more then I can do apart from keep doing what I am doing. So at some point I am going to give birth. The longer she stays inside of me the better, and I would love nothing more to go full term and be one of those overly large grumpy women outside the hospital walking around in circles....but I would also love nothing more than knowing that if it came down to it my baby was healthy and strong and if it means coming early and letting doctors help her along then so be it. There were reasons Maggie was born early and perhaps my body just couldn't sustain her and God knew that which is why he allowed for her to come early. She is healthy and strong today and hasn't looked back once. It's not that I have resigned myself to defeat because I haven't...I have however given it over to God and I am aware that whatever happens He has His hands over us.  I am calm and I am not going to give in to fear. Fear is crippling, it allows for satan to come in and mess with my head. When I was in labour there was so much fear going through me that I was unrecognizable to most. If you let fear take over it makes you ill and takes away your freedom in Christ. I am a little nervous about the labour, but this is normal more because I remember how painful it was rather than what will happen and what needs to happen.  Our bodies are amazing things and they do what it takes to get the baby out...of this I am not worried. The mind numbing contractions and the bleeding I am a little nervous about but again I will be in hospital and MY GOD IS A HEALER!!!!! In fact I know that God can heal my cervix and strengthen it, I know that if my body can withstand it God will hold this baby in place! He is a good God! So I am 28 weeks today and am praising Jesus that we made it through another day. Life is hard, people are sad, and money is tight, illness is everywhere and yet I sit here and I praise my Jesus because I know that He is in control and He is the reason I have made it this far. I worship Him for every minute more I get to be pregnant and keep trusting him for one more minute. God you are my God and I will ever praise You...I will praise you through my mourning and I will follow You all of my days! I am in awe of your mercy and your Grace! I lift up my face to you and I give you my fears, my tears and my anger...I ask that as I continue on this journey you would take these things and turn them into dancing and joy. You would fill me with even more peace as I continue to trust in you. You know what we are facing financially, physically and emotionally. As an indiviudal, a couple and as a family...Jesus you know what we need and I am trusting in You to fulfill it. I thank you Jesus!

Love Always,
Mara