The unspoken

There is something that happens when you have a child in a neo natal unit...you change into a shadow of what you used to be. You become superstitious when you grew up in a christian household and there are some things you refuse to discuss amongst family and friends and doctors let alone think about. There are what if's but you always skirt around THAT what if. Today I was forced to acknowledge the unspoken as a personal friend was affected by it. My heart breaks for them and I feel guilty because I cannot fully "go there" when most people are fine to discuss it.  When you have a baby early it is like a loss and I am still mourning my loss, and though it was a loss I gained so much. I cannot imagine what it must be like to have that loss, to gain it back and then this.  I call it the unspoken because after having Maggie my world was shaken to the core and I believe that spoken words carry power and I refused to speak those words when Maggie was in hospital and for so long afterwards...in fact to this day I refuse to say those words. To my dear friends who are experiencing something that nobody should ever have to experience I am sorry, my heart breaks for you and I pray that God would gather you up in His arms and hide you away for a little while and allow you to draw strength from Him. I love you both and wish I could have met your dear precious angel.