In this moment...I feel...

pretty damn good! :) I don't like using that word but I am in a good mood, I feel good and I am listening to some funky music. I am 15 weeks pregnant, I still feel like crap most days, I am still terrified and I still havent seen my baby. However it's ok. In Thai or Vietnamese they have a saying Mai pen rai (it could even be a different language but I think it's one of those two) or in laos they say Bopen yan or in africa they say akuna mata  it means "it's all good"  or "it's ok, it will be allright"   I like this phrase! I like thinking that one phrase can sum up an emotion. Life is going to be ok..I was speaking to a very good friend who's life has been hell recently she has gone through loss and continues to struggle, and yet she is graceful and beautiful despite of this. She is one of these people that despite her losses she sat telling me that it would be ok. lol I love her. But I sat there and I said "you know I know we will be ok, in 10 years we will look back and be able to laugh maybe not laugh but we will have survived!"  Not really realizing how much truth there was in that. How much of what we go through on a daily basis and stress and panic about; how much of that will we even remember in 10 years ago? Not alot, we will however remember the smiles, the good times shared with good friends, the words of hope spoken in times of hopelessness.. we won't remember the one's who betrayed us by failing to care when it mattered most, we will have moved on from them...but the friendships who have stuck, that have gone through the fires....we will remember those because we will have just hung up from speaking to them :) I am looking forwards to the future..Looking forward to seeing the day that isn't tinged with worry or pain, that doesnt end with "well maybe tomorow will be a bit better"  I am looking forwad to saying "today I feel pretty damn good!" every day. I don't expect my life to be different and perfect in 10 years....I expect my life to be happier and more settled, I am sure I will have my own drama's then but they won't be today's drama's.  You always get asked in interviews and quizes "Where do you see yourself in so many years?"   Well to be honest I have given up on a plan it is in God's hands...BUT I do see myself happier, and healthier and celebrating things that we have overcome in the last 10 years. So yes life is hard at the moment but it is going to get better and I refuse to sit and wallow....it is easy to sit in the dark and be worried, it is so simple to bite my beautiful nails off and twirl my hair until it is lifeless and dull...BUT it's not proactive....I am going to live this life I am going to get to that point where I can look and say "hey, I did it!"  So I am feeling good.....enjoy your week blogworld! :) xx Mara