Feeling

So lately I am so busy with life that I haven't been able to blog. Today I am waiting for the plumber to come fix  a busted pipe in my shed and the baby has gone to sleep therefore I am going to sit and write.

I am coming to the realization that there is a huge divide in women today. There are the women who have families and are very family oriented, they live and breathe their families.  Their every thought is for their families well being and their happiness. I think that these women are under significant pressure that if they choose to be family women and to want this then they are required to be perfect mothers, to always pay attention to their children and to keep their houses spotless, to work part time and spend the rest of their time growing and nurturing their children. GOD forbid that they should want time to themselves, and GOD forbid that their children should ever become unhappy in the least. I feel incredibly guilty for taking Maggie for nursery, and have started taking her later and later and collecting her earlier and earlier...however am I doing it for us or am I doing it so that people don't think of me as a bad parent. Maggie is incredibly out of whack with the new baby and while she loves her she tends to act out when she isn't getting what she thinks is enough attention. It was mentioned to me by someone who doesn't have children that what my child needed was more time with me at home.     HA yes I repeat someone who has no children was giving a mother of two with one very new baby ADVICE.  This has made me feel so incredibly guilty and like a bad mother...am I not giving her enough attention? and then the normal me kicks in and says "you dumbass of course you are giving her enough attention...you are a fabulous mother and she is TWO this is what two year olds do...seek attention!"   I am aware that my child is struggling with her behaviour and I am aware that I need to deal with it...but do not attempt to supernanny me when I am far more experienced then you will ever be. Is it wrong to be so uptight about this or is it normal? I watched sex and the city 2 a little while ago and there is this bit where Miranda and Charlotte are chatting and they talk about being mothers and how they feel so guilty wanting to spend time doing things they love and not doing things with their children all the time. I think that is so true and so many mum's feel the same way. I feel like if I am home and doing housework and taking an extra 5 minutes in the shower, that  I am neglecting my child who is happily playing at nursery and actually prefers nursery to home. When in actual fact I don't get time to myself, I don't do fun things like go out for coffees or shopping, when I am home I am with Aimee and I put Maggie into nursery because I want her to be happy and have attention given to her. NOT keeping her home while there is a screaming baby and a tired stressed out me.  I am constantly battling with whether or not I am a good enough mom to Maggie. I am always putting myself down and expecting far more of myself then is physically possible and then I have a huge letdown when I don't live up to my expectations. I am a really good mother actually and deep down I know this. Maggie is very spoiled and before Aimee came along was the only princess in the house and was used to not having me tell her no, and not having to be quiet and not having to wait for a 5th bowl of raisins when I am feeding Aimee. The child has everything she could possible want, she has more clothes than anyone else I know and does have the emotional support she needs...maybe not as much as I would like to give her but I only stretch to a certain limit without myself going over the edge. I don't know what I am saying here I think I just needed to rant but I am feeling so RAHHHH!!! that I need to do something. I am just not sure what it is. I love being a mother, I love being a wife, and I think my main problem is I allow myself to feel guilty and allow myself to take the blame for crap that doesn't involve me or even pertain to me. I think I need to have the confidence in myself to know that I am a damn good mother and that what others think doesn't matter.  Writing it is one thing...actually believing it is another.