feeling inspirational??

Which is my speak for "rambly" :) ok so I am going to be honest because that is what Blogging is about. I don't ask you to read this I don't expect you to like it. Blogging for me is a theraputical way of airing my opinions and getting things off my chest in a safe non judgemental space. But today I was just so tired I was exhausted it's been a hell of a long week and to be very honest I just wasn't in the mood couldn't be asked. We went to a fabulous bbq last night for the church's camp finale and watched the fireworks, came home had a glass of wine and went to bed. I woke up full of grump and ump...didn't want to go to church. I am not a good cryer I hate tears and emotion...I know that's hard to believe as I am so brutally honest in here but for those of you who have met me you know that I am often refered to as the Ice Maiden as I just don't buckle, break or show emotion. This last week has been emotional. I feel like at times I am having to justify my grief to people which makes me angry, I feel like because I actually know a little bit more about  certain things that others are angry or jealous of that? I mean hello grow the heck up! It's not about who knows what and how much one knows it's about supporting and loving on the individual in need. Anyways where was I going oh yes inspiring. SO we did get to church...all four of us :) it took so getting there but once I got in the groove even though emotionally I was shattered it was nice to be in the house of God if you know what I mean? I love that when I walk into church I can almost taste Jesus...I will be the very first to point out that I am a pretty sucky Christian, I fail miserably so often that I wonder if grace covers me this much...and I get so frustrated with my inadequecies(sp?) and shortcommings that I just can't cope some days. I guess that is why God is God and I am not right? :) But anyways yeah so we get there and I am just sort of not in the mood for people. I want Jesus and nothing more, I knew that the family who lost Matt would be there as it is their church and they run it and I was so worried about saying the right thing and doing the right thing but it didn't matter because Jesus showed up and grace came down and I was at peace. Oddly this happenend somewhere in between worship and going upstairs to creche. I personally have an issue with creche... and try to get out of going as often as possible simply because I work with children all week so why on earth should i be expected to be there on a sunday? I'm not called to be there so why should I do it. Just because I work with children for a living doesn't mean I want to do it on Sunday. ANYWAY I went up with the girls because Maggie was in big girl pants and I was a bit nervous her being left to have a stranger take her. When I got up there I actually relaxed and had a little bit of fun...not enough to want to do it and then at the end t he woman who runs it actually acknowledged that I needed to be down in service and is tweaking it so I can leave the girls and not worry about them upstairs. PHEW but oh goodness so I came home feeling better but still so tired. Then I visited with Jane and Lucy for a while whilst the man folk took down the marquee at the camp and took it over the the church. It was so hard not to be impolite and ask if they would mind if I went upstairs and took a nap :) lol can you imagine? "Excuse me for an hour while I just go take a nap"! lol anyways so then steve came home I fixed tea (slow cooked beef with tika sauce served over steamed basmati rice and baby potatoes!) and then we put the girls in the bath and got them ready for bed. Maggie has discovered how to open her door in her room and so after I had gotten Aims to bed peacefully Magggie chose that moment to open her door and start screaming nonsense at the top of her lungs. I was livid but as I had done everything for the girls for the last 2 nights DADDY got to sort them out. It was then while I had my first 15 minutes of childfree time that I began to feel inspirational. :) leading me to here and after writing all of this I suppose I will leave you with a simple quote that I found online and fell in love with!